Stop the presses!

Some of you may have the impression that a lot more big, newsworthy events happen in New York City than anywhere else in the world. Well, you're right. Here's the Friday front page of one of New York's dailies.

Sure, it's am New York and not the New York Times, but still..."Rock is Reborn in New York City?" A full-page ad on the cover? As someone who studied journalism in college, let me say--that is AWESOME! I dare you to try and read that headline in a normal voice--it's hard, isn't it? That's a sentence that has to be read in an over-the-top radio announcer's voice. With some sound effects at the end.

It's not an important story by any means, but it actually got me to stop and grab a copy of am New York, which I almost never do, despite the fact that it's free, and that they have real-life Newsies handing them out at the entrances of subway stations. (I was very disappointed by the lack of Newsies my first time in NYC.) Fifty papes!

You should probably also know that the back cover lists RXP 101.9's "9 commitments to New York," which include these doozies (bold print in original, Jeff's comments in parentheses):

1. We'll play music that passes one primary filter: that it is good rock
2. Our on-air staff will play a direct part in choosing the songs that we play (how do we know we can trust them to choose good rock?)
3. We will respect you with an intelligent product (but we'll disrespect you with our blatant pandering)
5. We will be upbeat & fun but never cheesy and dumbed-down--edgy but never with attitude (what does that even mean?)
6. We will take the music we play seriously--but not ourselves (except in this full-page ad)

This great moment in journalistic history reminded me that, when I was here five years ago, the radio station I listened to in my dorm room ran a "Top 500 songs of the 80s and 90s" marathon countdown over Memorial Day Weekend. I still have a printout of the full list in one of the boxes under my bed in Provo, but I can't find it online. I do, however, remember that "Livin' On a Prayer" was #2 (a relatively worthy choice), and the #1 spot went to--yep, you guessed it--"Smooth" by Santana and Rob Thomas. Seriously. Feel free to express your disdain and nominate a better top song in the comments (especially you, shabba shabba).

Stephen Colbert--great fake TV pundit, or, the GREATEST fake TV pundit?

Put me down for greatest. To borrow a phrase the kids are using these days, I definitely have a "man crush" on Stephen Colbert. And seeing him in person did nothing to change that view.

When Stephen came out, he did some Q&A with the audience--he said he wanted us to get to know the real Stephen before he had to get into character and "say all these terrible things that I say." I don't know if he meant that the things he says are terrible because he's super-liberal and disagrees with everything TV Stephen says, or if he meant that he says terrible things because he's always mocking and ridiculing people and institutions.

My personal opinion is that Stephen Colbert is much more liberal than the character he plays, but not as liberal as Jon Stewart, partly because few are, but also because it seems he really is a practicing Catholic, as he claims to be on the show (more on this in a minute). The first question he got was "are you a Republican or a Democrat?" and he quickly replied "none of your gosh dang business." (He didn't say gosh dang; he has a bit of a potty mouth--again, more on that coming up.) So that didn't help me figure out if my opinion is right or not.

The "juiciest" tidbit produced by the Q&A was learning that Episode IV Obi-Wan is Stephen's favorite Star Wars character of all time, and he did some Strangers With Candy-style dancing with a woman in the front row, but the rest of the questions were pretty mundane. I had my hand up the whole time, hoping to ask him if he had a Mormon friend, and if not, I'd be happy to pose for the picture, but alas, he didn't call on anybody from our section.

A few minutes later, the taping began. I bought into the "we need you to laugh at everything" directive 100%, because a lot of it was actually funny, I was feeling kind of giddy just from being in the studio, and I know how important the energy of a crowd can be to the success of a comedy show. He made some great jokes about Obama winning a Grammy the previous night, and ran a "tribute" to Mitt Romney's campaign (which had been suspended since his last taping), complete with the Guy Smiley footage he's been using on various Mitt pieces.

I was amazed at how well he did without scripts. I'm assuming he wrote most if not all of the non-interview segments of the show, but he then has to memorize them because there were no scripts on his desk and nothing in the prompter. He messed up a few times, but he quickly composed himself and did those lines over. He never needed a third take.

As was the case for most Colbert episodes during the strike, he filled up most of the time with a series of interviews. His first guest had a cool beard but a relatively boring topic, the second was interviewed over the phone about Stephen's portrait currently on display at the National Portrait Gallery, but the main guest--the one he talked to at his usual interview set--is the one worth going into more detail about.

Dr. Philip Zimbardo is a Stanford professor whose work you're probably familiar with even if you haven't heard of him. He conducted a study in the '70s where volunteers were randomly assigned as "guards" and "prisoners" in a makeshift prison, and within a week the guards were already psychologically abusing the prisoners. He was on the show to promote his book The Lucifer Effect, which, based on his comments, basically seems to promote the idea of rebelling against authority.

Their discussion became somewhat heated, as Stephen seemed to slip out of character (his character talks about religion a lot, but this seemed more personal and real) as he argued the "arrogant" (how Jen Nuckols, a girl in my ward out here who took a class from him at Stanford describes him) Zimbardo's assertions that we should never trust those in authority over us, that God was wrong and Lucifer was right (God having supposedly created a perfect man in Adam and the devil proving he was actually corruptible), and that God shouldn't be trusted because he created hell (Stephen countered by saying hell is when we're separated from God's love, which happens when we disobey him, so we create hell ourselves and send ourselves there--pretty doctrinally accurate!). At one point, as Zimbardo continued to state that "God made a mistake" in the Garden of Eden, Stephen finally agreed that God made a mistake (not true) but that's why he sent his son Jesus Christ to redeem us (definitely true). That exchange, however, was edited out of the actual broadcast (I was pretty sure that all three interviews had gone long and something would have to be left out, but I was hoping it would be part of the beard guy's interview).

The back-and-forth culminated when, after Colbert said that God doesn't send us to hell, we send ourselves to hell, Zimbardo replied, "You learned very well in Sunday School." Stephen then quipped, "I TEACH Sunday School, motha (bleeper)!" I found that a very interesting, unnecessary, and hilarious use of profanity, and I think it would be a great slogan for a new Colbert poster or t-shirt (I wouldn't buy it, of course, but I think it would be a hot seller). I was overall very impressed with the passion and knowledge Stephen exhibited in defending his (and my) beliefs.

The taping ended with Stephen using a large sword (not sure if it was George Washington's or not) to make a sandwich, a reference to the segment about his portrait. Watching him use a sword to spread mustard, chop lettuce and slice tomatoes was hilarious, although it seemed certain he'd cut himself and I'd soon be ponying up the dough for a Fingerstrong bracelet.

And that was my Colbert Report experience. I have tickets to The Daily Show for April 8, and now that the writers' strike is over I'm realizing I did it backwards: as good as Colbert was without scripts, Stewart's show was better during the strike, mainly because he still had his correspondents out doing stuff. But with writers, Colbert's show is the best on TV. If you like satire, or politics, or political figures and events being satirized, you really should be watching both shows, no matter what your personal political leanings are. And that's the truthiness.

Note: After writing everything above but before posting, I started finding stuff online about the Colbert-Zimbardo smackdown, including this. It seems I'm not the only one who enjoyed Stephen's final line, and there's a good chance it WILL end up on a t-shirt very soon!

He is America, and I did too

The writers' strike is over, and we've had pretty good weather in New York City the past few days. Neither was the case on Monday, but that didn't matter--I went to The Colbert Report anyway, and my life is richer for having done so.

I made the great sacrifice of standing in line for an hour and a half in the freezing wind so I, along with friends Corina, Larissa and Katie, could get into the show (we had tickets, but they overbook every show to make sure the audience is full, so you have to show up early to make sure you get in).

Fortunately, ticket-holders got to wait in line in an alley that was partially covered by some tarps, so it wasn't nearly as bad as it could've been, and I had some hot chocolate and a roast beef sandwich from a deli I passed on the way to the studio to keep me company and semi-warm, at least for a few minutes.

We finally got in to the building, where we had to wait again, but at least it was warm. All 100 or so audience members were crammed into a small lobby, waiting while they finished rehearsals. From time to time the audience coordinator (who looks just like Stephen Colbert--maybe that's how he got the job) would come out and give us an update, and try to get us pumped up so we would be a great crowd.

At one point he brought out some t-shirts and played a round of Colbert Report trivia, and I got a shirt by knowing that Barry Manilow was the man who beat Stephen for the Emmy two years ago (MANILOW!). It's an extra large, so it fits relatively well, but Stephen should know that the typical American hero residing in the Colbert Nation would be more comfortable in a XXL. A slight Wag of the Finger for that one.

One of the other free shirts went to a weird girl who has come to the show so often the audience coordinator recognized her. She seemed to know just a LITTLE too much about the show and about Stephen, and she was constantly (and loudly) saying things in our little holding pen, and when we were waiting in the studio, that made me cringe on her behalf. More on her later.

Eventually, we were seated in the studio, and I ended up in the top corner, which left me about as far away as I could be from Stephen when he made his traditional run from his desk to the interview set. Oh well.

While the stage manager gave us some instructions (our cue to go nuts at the start of the show and coming out of commercial breaks, to laugh at everything and refrain from commenting to our friends, since the audience is mic'ed, etc.), I soaked up the atmosphere. It was phenomenal to be there: not only was I actually in the studio where my current favorite show is recorded--I've seen literally every episode since it's debut in October 2005--but a wave of nostalgia washed over me, as I remembered the good old days when I worked in the HFAC studios. Working in broadcasting at BYU was really fun; I can only imagine how great it would be to work on a show like this one.

As I sat there pondering which job on the show I would most like to have, the answer literally came out and yelled at me. The Colbert Report's warm-up comic has weak material and no hair (that's what most of his jokes were about; he looked like Chris Daughtry), but I am VERY envious of his job. (In case you've never been to a live TV taping, most sitcoms and talk shows have a comedian come out to get the crowd pumped up so they're ready to laugh when the host/actors come out for the actual show.)

I'm not sure how other comedians view the warm-up comic. Are they envious that they have a regular gig? Do they view them as "sell-outs" for taking a relatively comfortable job, rather than working the comedy clubs? I don't know. I do know, after watching this guy (can't remember his name), that it's harder than it looks. He had to go several minutes longer than he planned (and certainly several minutes longer than the audience wanted him to) because Stephen wasn't ready yet. The length of his set must vary from night to night, and he likely never knows exactly what to expect.

He got some help from an audience member, though. One lady near the front had a glossy photo she had made and hoped to give to Stephen. It was a pretty impressive piece of Photoshop work, where she had combined the faces of Colbert and Barack Obama into one handsome political juggernaut. One half of the face was white and one was black, but this was more than just some Harvey Dent/Two-Face mash-up; she had carefully combined and distributed the facial features as well. The comic paraded the picture around so everybody could see, and he got some good jokes out of it.

The crazy girl I referred to earlier also played a role in his act. When he was clearly running out of steam, he started talking about stuff on the set. He went over to one item, which I couldn't see from my vantage point, but I knew it had to be the microwave Stephen stole from Bill O'Reilly's personal Fox News kitchen when he was a guest on "The Factor" (fans know that Colbert's show is a blatant parody of O'Reilly's).

While the comic was in the midst of making a tasteless joke about O'Reilly using it to microwave babies, the crazy girl blurted out the punchline, because apparently he's used the same joke before when she's been there. He was SO ticked off, and yelled at her a while, impressively keeping his language relatively clean. Comedians DO NOT like to be heckled, and they don't deserve to be, even when they're not funny, and even when it's coming from someone who may be mildly handicapped, as this girl may have been. So be nice to comedians--their egos are extremely fragile. And that's my PSA for today.

Shortly after that happy scene, Stephen was finally ready to come out. The things I saw and heard while in the presence of perhaps our greatest living American deserve their own post, so I'll stop here for now.

Does anyone choo choo choose me?

Here's my hot Valentine's Day date.


It turns out that "much more than I ever hoped for" line wasn't referring to me. Oh well.

I think I know where things went wrong--I tried singing her my hit song "Be My Valentine," the parody I wrote a few years ago to the tune of Alice Cooper's "Feed My Frankenstein" (any of you KBYU Fat Kids remember that?).

It's a creepy song, but come on...she talks to mice and rides in pumpkins. I thought she'd be into it. Live and learn, I guess.

All is not lost...when Cindy was in the bathroom, I managed to get Sleeping Beauty's number off her cell. There may still be romance in the air for me tonight!

Let's see how often Ben Googles himself

So I feel a little strange and embarrassed posting this...

A couple of years ago I was in a ward where a guy named Ben Crowder was the executive secretary. He sent out an e-mail every week with the ward's announcements, and his e-mail signature included a link to his blog.

I checked it out one time and found an interesting post on the hot-button topic of whether kissing before marriage is good or bad. The post itself was intriguing, and the ensuing debate in the comments was downright fascinating (there's even a surprising twist at the end if you read through all of them).

Ever since then, I've checked out Ben's blog on a semi-regular basis, just lurking, never commenting (although, now that my secret's out, I might as well start joining in on the conversations).

I bring this up now because Ben recently noted that he has posted on his blog more than 1,000 times! That is unbelievable! I'm at around 20 posts and already feel like I'm running out of steam. Most of my friends that have blogs average two or three posts per month. It's surprisingly difficult to update a blog on a regular basis. I am extremely impressed by Ben's dedication and consistency in getting new content up on his blog. I think that, more than anything else, is why I check it out so often (if you check out both blogs, you'll see that Ben and I are about as dissimilar as two single, 20-something active LDS guys can be).

So kudos to you, Ben. Keep up the good work.

On the pot...um, I mean lot

My friend Larissa came out to visit me and our now-mutual friend Katie this week, and we've been having a great time playing in the city.

On Friday Riss and I spent all day walking around the city (I had an unexpected day off, due to some strange and surprising complaints the folks at Columbia made about me that had my status here in limbo, but I think it's mostly sorted out now and I don't expect to be coming home early. Sorry Jared).

We started off at South Street Seaport, where we got some discounted Broadway tickets at the booth there, then noticed an Amazon rain forest exhibit that had been set up nearby. The line was long so we didn't go in, but we managed a minor celebrity sighting: the host of the event was Adrianna Costa, who I know of from her gig as the host of the FOX reality show On the Lot.

To me, Ms. Costa looks like a Latina Scarlett Johansson (yes, another arbitrary look-alike connection I've made). But here's the weird part--I think Adrianna is gorgeous, but I've never been impressed by Scarlett, even though many people and magazines have dubbed her the sexiest woman alive (I'm also not a fan of her acting). I know my line of thinking here makes no sense; let's just move on.

In keeping with my policy of burying the lead, I have once again buried the lead in this post. The night before, Larissa, Katie and I attended Young Frankenstein, a new Broadway version of the classic Mel Brooks film. Before we found our seats, we headed down to the bathroom, and as I brought up the rear of our party I saw the following scene unfold:

An old man was walking into the bathroom, but it was the women's bathroom! I saw Riss pull up, taken aback by what she saw and not sure if she should follow him into the bathroom. At the same time, Katie grabs Larissa to stop her from walking into the bathroom, assuming THEY were going into the wrong one (now that's a good friend--assuming a senile old man knows where he's going better than her friend, a veteran of 30+ Broadway audiences in the last five years, including several in that theater).

The best part...the old man comes back out a few seconds later (I didn't hear any screams, so I'm not sure what tipped him off that he had made a mistake), and I saw that it was GARRY MARSHALL! Yes, I saw the director of Pretty Woman and Beaches (ironically, Marshall was also one of the judges on Costa's On the Lot show) walk into the women's bathroom of the Hilton Theater. Which is a way better tale of celebrity embarrasment than my mission story of witnessing the band Filter misuse the word "pants" in a Glasgow kilt shop.

Have I been blogging long enough to run a clip show?

My Internet connection has been shaky the last several days, but it appears to be back at full strength now. So now I've got a lot of online stuff to catch up on (YouTube videos, mainly).

But I don't want to leave you postless for too long. Here's a few of my better ones from the blog on the old LOL site:

--Some thoughts on Halloween, complete with some fantastic pictures
--The good and bad of reunions
--A recap of my best joke ever in an improv show

By the way...I bombed on the Jeopardy! audition. I got the right questions on answers about Barry Bonds and Sean Penn, but that was about it. If only every category had been "World's Most Unpleasant People," I probably would've done great. Did anyone else take it?