I forgot to say goodbye

So...I have a new blog. It's actually not all that new anymore--I started it just over a year ago (after months of dormancy on this site and realizing I needed a fresh start), and will soon reach 100 posts.

On the off-off-off-chance that there is someone out there who subscribes to the RSS feed of this blog but has missed my constant promotion of the new one on Facebook, Twitter, or Gmail chat, I figured I'd invite you over to check out the new digs.

If you liked "Amateur Blog at the Apollo," you'll find "Tales of Hofmann" to be pretty similar--the same rambling, stream-of-consciousness style of writing, the same funny links, the same lack of interest in a pleasing blog design.

As before, I use my blog as a way to chronicle interesting events from my life, as a platform to display other writing projects, or just to write random things that I hope will entertain my audience. But I've also added a few recurring features, mainly to help make sure I'm writing regularly.

The first of these is the "Hoffmann of the Month" (spelled that way so it can encompass Hofmans, Hofmanns, Hoffmans and Hoffmanns). As you might expect, I've honored various men and women, but animals also qualify, as do people who don't actually exist.

And then there's my weekly "Blog About Something Only Tangentially Related to the Upcoming Sunday School Lesson," or BASOTRUSSL. Check out this post for arguably my best example of this type of post, as well as the full backstory of why I started writing them.

These posts are usually either an elaborate riff on a non-spiritual aspect of the scripture block (like the one linked to in the above paragraph, or this one), a post that seems to be about something completely random before I make a tenuous connection to that week's lesson right at the end, or something sort of in between those two options. Or, if I can't come up with any fun tangents, my last resort is to write a semi-thoughtful analysis of some of the principles found in the scripture block.

So, yeah...I've just linked to almost one-sixth of the posts on my blog. Maybe I should've asked someone else to pick out the "highlights." But if you are just learning about this blog, you should read all of them. Seriously. Do it. You'll enjoy yourself.

And you'll want to read all the new posts as they go up. The easiest way to do that is to follow the blog by clicking the "Join" button at the top. You can also "like" me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter--I announce the publishing of any new post in both places. Actually, you should do all of those things--it would really boost my ego. Thanks!

Star crossed lovers

There's been a bunch of celebrity breakups this week. Whenever a couple splits up it's sad (especially when children are involved), but even more sad is that with celebrities it's never unexpected.

That being said...out of the big stars who I've learned are single again in the past 36 hours, here's the order I'd ask them out in:

4) Scarlett Johansson (Looks like the newly crowned "Sexiest Man Alive" finally realized Scarlett is extremely overrated as a sex symbol. She did, however, take part in what is probably my favorite SNL sketch so far this season)
3) Vanessa Hudgens (I'll be her new Wildcat)
2) Anna Friel (She'd probably get tired of me insisting that she speak in an American accent and act like Chuck from Pushing Daisies)
1) Elizabeth Hurley (I would insist that she retain her British accent, and that she do no acting whatsoever)

Clearly, I only blog about really important things these days.

And all that Jazz

I doubt anyone reads my blog that isn't also a Facebook friend and/or a Twitter follower of mine, but I figured I'd promote this here too:

I'm a "Jazzbot," an official blogger for the Utah Jazz. There's like 35 of us, plus non-bots can also post on the site, but it's still fun to write about sports and to have an official connection (however loose) to my favorite pro team.

Us Jazzbots are supposed to write two or three times a week. My fourth post, including the one I wrote to audition, just went up (some of you may notice it's adapted from a post I wrote on this blog last January). The site isn't designed that well, but you should be able to find my older posts without too much difficulty if you're interested.

As I mentioned above, I'm on Twitter! (My handle is the super-creative @jeff_hofmann.) If you're a Tweeter, let's follow each other. Then you can know when my new Jazz blogs post, and I can break the elusive 40 followers mark.

Tabula Rasa

I've hit the big time at work. Sort of. For the first time in my life, I have a placard with my name on it, indicating that this is where I sit. True, said placard had a typo on it at first. And I share the desk with someone else. But it's still pretty cool.

My desk partner, Lindsey, has decorated our cube with some pretty standard items, from pictures of her family to a ceramic cowboy hat/pen holder to an autographed Sarah McLachlan poster to something that appears to be a pagan garland of sorts. There was plenty of room for her to personalize our workspace because, as usual, I put absolutely no effort into doing the same myself.

I'm typing this up in my bedroom, surrounded by four walls devoid of adornment. I don't wear jewelry of any kind except a watch occasionally. I have never entered anything in that permanent status "Write something about yourself" area on Facebook. I'm just not a decorating kind of guy. There are a number of reasons for this:

--I have no art, fancy framed pictures, or inspirational messages to put up.
--I have no interest in spending money on those kinds of things.
--I'm constantly staring at a TV or computer screen (or occasionally a book) and wouldn't notice those things if they were there.
--But most of all, I don't decorate because of the permanence of it. I'm unwilling to commit to one picture or poster because it implies that I've rejected all others. I have plenty of t-shirts and have made plenty of status updates endorsing a particular movie or toy or junk food item, but those can (and should) be changed on a regular basis. But if I put a Batman poster on my wall or become an official "fan" of Arrested Development, I must prefer those things to all others I didn't show the same consideration to.

So am I crazy? Or am I just using that reasoning as an excuse to cover up the fact that I'm indecisive, lazy, and/or cheap?

Chicken buckets are the new UNICEF bag

This is probably my favorite Halloween costume I've ever had, narrowly edging out my 2003 Adam West-era Batman ensemble.

Although the wig ended up a little more Einstein-ey than Sanders-ey, you have to admit I look finger-lickin' good.

Stars...they jet just like us!

Now that I no longer answer phones for JetBlue, it's likely my brushes with celebrities will drop dramatically. Here's a brief rundown of the "stars" I've associated with in some way at my job, ranked by my view of their relative fame:

(Again, my blog is not an official JetBlue site, and I am not a company spokesman. These are just my thoughts. And I'm assuming I'm not violating any confidentiality guidelines here, since JetBlue is very open about all the celebrities who fly with us, but if this post goes down that's probably why.)

(By the way, my all-time favorite JetBlue celebrity sighting? Definitely this guy!)

7) The mother of injured BYU defensive lineman Romney Fuga called to cancel her son's flight.
6) A relative of Los Angles Lakers general manager Mitch Kupchak (boo!) used his credit card to book her flight.
5) Baltimore Ravens linebacker Terrell Suggs (don't worry, they're not all sports related) has a production company, and I booked a flight for one of his business partners so he could attend a movie premiere.
4) I helped actress Lake Bell cancel a flight. She's the only celebrity I've spoken directly to, and I'm surprised I recognized her name, since I haven't seen anything she's been in.
3) A representative of Tony Orlando's changed the flights of his band members (apparently he's no longer with Dawn. Who knew?) so they could make a show on time.
2) A woman called me once to see if a seat upgrade was available for the former mayor of America, Rudolph Giuliani.
1) I know he's not as famous as Rudy, but the most exciting call I've ever received at work was from the personal assistant of Kyle MacLachlan (aka Agent Dale Cooper!), who booked a flight for him. And he even paid for an extra seat. Oh, to be rich and famous.

So if your DirecTV ever malfunctions on a JetBlue flight, just look around...you still may be able to see some stars!

Tweet, pray, love

Today I started a new position with JetBlue. I'm a founding member of our new social media support team, which basically means I get to be a Twitter tracker Twitter tracker Twitter tracker! After a few weeks of training, it will be my job to seek to recover customers as one of the company's official tweeters.

As a result, I finally bit the bullet and signed up for my own Twitter account. You can follow me if you want, but I don't expect to be a super-active user of that platform, at least until I get a phone I can access the Internet on, which I plan to do later this year.

(I'm supposed to point out that anything I post to my blog, Twitter or Facebook is my own viewpoint and not necessarily that of JetBlue. So there you go.)

I'm really excited about this new assignment. Not only does the work itself seem interesting and relevant, I will have a much better work schedule, and I'm really glad to have a break from answering phones. At the end of each shift my ears would be sore from my headset, and my voice would have faded to the point that when I'd give my name customers would think I said Jack. Or Jim. Or, surprisingly, Chad. So I'm happy to move on from that. Although if I become too popular online, maybe I'll have to set up a Twitter account for each of those personas.