This weekend I, like many of you, will watch Hugh Jackman hand out a bunch of gold statues. But right now I'm a little bummed out that I can't find video of my favorite Oscar moment online. It was 2005, and host Chris Rock ridiculed Jude Law in his monologue, as described here, which led to Sean Penn revisiting the subject TWO HOURS later in the broadcast as described at the end of the article, which led to this SNL sketch, which led to a hilariously awkward moment in my apartment.
Anyway, I don't get to the theater much, so to make my Oscar picks I had to improvise and create some new categories. So, pretend you just heard a few jokes bomb as the presenters struggle to read the teleprompter, and away we go...the winners are...
Best Hispanic character on The Office: Oscar Nunez
Best Writer: Oscar Wilde
Best Musical Writer: Oscar Hammerstein
Best Athlete: Oscar Robertson
Best Oscar De La: Oscar De La Hoya (but De La Renta still rules the red carpet)
Best Sprinter With No Legs: Oscar Pistorius
Best Half of the Odd Couple: Oscar (maybe next year, Felix)
Best Fighting Fish: Oscars
Best Rapping Manager: Oscar
Best Almost-Oscar: One of these
Best Factory Owner: Oskar Schindler
Best Grouch: Oscar
Best Hot Dog: Oscar Mayer
Best Talking Dog: Oscar
Best Sly Stallone '90s Comedy: Oscar (although it was unintentionally hilarious, Judge Dredd was not technically a comedy)
I could go on (and on my blog I usually do), but I don't want to get played off by the orchestra. To wrap up, I guess I'll retain the biggest Academy Award category for my personal Oscars.
Best Picture: Oscar Gamble
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2 comments:
I feel like I comment on ALL of your blog posts, Jeff. Sorry... But I LOVE Oscars. The fish. I've had several as pets, and they are adorable! Now I miss them.
this is hilarious. I just want everyone to know tht Oscar Nunez and I have the same birthday. So there. Probably not the same year. But the same day. Hooray for me!
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