Go speed dater, go speed dater, go!

On Saturday night I attended a speed dating activity for LDS singles in Manhattan (well, they actually had to recruit guys from Brooklyn, Connecticut, even D.C. to even up the genders). Here are some thoughts I've had about the dating equivalent of Chuck-A-Rama.

• Speed dating is fun. At least Mormon speed dating. This is the second time I've done something like this, and I've enjoyed it both times. But I don't think I would enjoy more general speed dating. I don't know if I have nice enough clothes to wear to something like that, and I picture it as more of a job interview-type setting rather than the fun, relatively casual adventure this was.
• This activity was one of the best-organized I've ever been to. They had people register weeks in advance, giving them time to make sure there would be equal numbers of men and women. There were over 100 of each when all was said and done, but the organizers had an assigned seat for everyone when the event began--two rows of chairs facing each other, serpentining through the church gym. When the whistle blew, the ladies staid put and the guys moved on to the next one. There were also a few Power Point slide shows projected onto the gym walls, full of questions you could ask if you gut stuck. I didn't really use them, but I was impressed by the forethought and creativity of the activity planners. And the follow-up will also be highly organized--more on that later.
• Three minutes goes really fast. But it's enough time to have a decent conversation with someone--likely superficial, but enough to at least slightly gauge your date's personality. The 90-second "lightning rounds," however, were generally too short for me to form a decent impression of the woman I was talking to.
• Scattered throughout the 30 or so women I "dated" that night were people I knew well, some I was somewhat acquainted with, and several I had never met before. I'm not sure which category I preferred.
• I was slightly disappointed with my performance. I figured I would've done better at asking unique, thought-provoking questions that would make me more memorable as well as catch them off guard. Instead I usually asked them about the restaurants in their neighborhood or if they had any good celebrity sighting stories.
• I did, however, largely manage to avoid the question I feared most: "What do you do?" Even when I'm employed, I'm not a big fan of that question; my job is not generally near the top of my list when it comes to how I define myself. (I think I'm going to write about this more later in the week.) The question did come up a few times, though, so I usually alternated between saying "Whatever I want, because I'm unemployed" and "I'm a comedian." At least with the latter, I could have a profession, even if I don't have a job.
• A few things I would do differently if I do this again: I would bring a bottle of water (my mouth was really dry by the end); if I were in charge, I would leave ten seconds or so in between dates so people could jot down a note or two about the person--I'm worried when I get my report in a few weeks, I might not remember who the person is just by their first name, but if I had a card with notes, I could say, "oh, she's the one I talked about Adam Sandler movies with" or "that girl had huge earrings that were really cool;" or, if for some reason I want everyone to turn me down, I would start telling a story to my first date, then continue it each time I rotated. I think that would be really funny, but would probably defeat the purpose of speed dating.
• As the night went on and I realized I might not remember who was who, I began writing fewer Ys on my card (see below). I didn't have any "bad" dates, and I only remember one where there was any kind of awkward pause. I'd be lying if I said looks didn't play a factor in breaking "ties" between two dates. There were a lot of pretty girls there. I hope my dates weren't as shallow as I was. Then again...my mom says I have cute ears. Maybe some of them noticed.
• I believe that I was a good date--respectful, made eye contact without staring, didn't spend all the time talking about myself, didn't pepper my partner with too many questions, and avoiding asking anything too serious or personal (one of my friends told me she was asked about her views on working moms vs. stay-at-home moms. yikes). I hope my self-assessment is accurate.
• The first time I speed dated, it was just something to do, one aspect of a multi-ward overnight camp out. This time they were serious, hoping to help people hook up and marry. Each person had a card, where you would write down each date's name and the ID number on their sticker name tag, then mark Y (if you would like to meet up with them again) or N for each one. The cards have been given to the stake patriarch (an independent third party--I like the idea that no bishoprics or activities committees or whatever will see the results, which will greatly reduce the gossip, peer pressure, etc. that could have arisen from the activity). People will be e-mailed the names and contact info of their mutual Ys. Like I said, this event was highly structured.
• I'm sure I'm not the only one who realized that you could know exactly what each of your dates chose by putting Y on each one. I hope I'm not the only one who also realized this plan would likely result in some unwanted reciprocal yeses.
• While I really enjoyed myself on the short dates and generally liked the organization of the event, an unforeseen issue arose with the Yes-No system: I had to make a choice about the women I already know, including several that I see once a week or more. I haven't really dated much since I've been in New York (I'll probably address this briefly when I write my thoughts on jobs and job searching later on). So any of my friends, if they ever thought about it, would have thought "Jeff hasn't asked me on a date." Now, if they put Y and I wrote N, they will think "Jeff doesn't want to ask me on a date." There's a big difference between the two thoughts, and it could result in hurt feelings. (By the way, I don't assume that any women have spent much time thinking about dating me or wondering if I'll ask them out. I'm at least slightly arrogant, but not in that aspect of my life.)

That's all I can think of right now. I'm definitely glad I went, and recommend LDS speed dating to anyone who has a chance to try it. I guess the big question is...will I ask anyone out on a regular date because of it? I honestly don't know. Everyone I met was nice, and I would like to know more than three-minutes' worth about each of them. Some were also very attractive, as I mentioned above. But in the less-structured socializing that took place while we ate refreshments, I found myself talking to the same people I hang out with all the time. Before Saturday night I already knew many women in the city who I considered highly "datable," and now I kind of know several others. We'll see what happens, I guess. I hope this activity ultimately serves its higher purpose and helps some people find someone they love and can be happy with. It definitely served its basic purpose of providing me a fun and unique way to spend my weekend.