I'm a hungry man, but I don't want pizza

I'm a bit of a packrat. I never throw anything away. (I'm still only a bit of a packrat because I really don't have that much stuff.) A few weeks ago I was going through some old things, getting them ready to take to my storage unit. I found some notebooks from my college years. There were very few actual class notes in them, a result of my amazing memory and my easy classes.

Instead, they were full of rough drafts of the fliers I made for my Simpsons parties, brackets for Nerf basketball tournaments, and similarly important items. There were also a number of song lyrics, mostly for parodies I never finished.

I was surprised to find a nearly completed original song. Surprised because 1) I never write original lyrics because I have no musical abilities; 2) it actually is pretty good--even though I can't write music, I can hear in my head exactly how it would sound, including a key change; and 3) I wrote it for a girl I had a crush on. This is weird because I have never done this for any other girl, and this wasn't even a major crush. In fact, I wrote the song during a spring term, and during summer term a new girl moved in with this other girl, and I had a much bigger crush on the new girl--even went out with her a few times. But I never wrote her a song.

The notebook also contained one completed parody. As a freshman at BYU, I turned Alice Cooper's "Feed My Frankenstein" (prominently featured in Wayne's World) into a Valentine's Day song and performed it for the girls who came over during visiting hours. But I don't believe I saved the lyrics. A few years later, I tried to do it again. Some parts are pretty similar (as far as I can remember), but the second half of the new version surprisingly became rather dark and stalker-y.

My parodies sometimes do things like that. They're at most semi-autobiographical. I get an idea for a theme, or maybe come up with a line, and then just let the rest develop organically. And sometimes the result is a little creepy.

Anyway, here are the lyrics for the updated (2003) version of "Be My Valentine." Feel free to compare to the original if you're not familiar with it (they're a little PG-13, so be wary).

BE MY VALENTINE

Yes, yes, I know you're hungry...ahh, here comes dinner
Be my Valentine!
I've got a fever, my body's cookin'
Burning with desire, 'cause you're so good lookin'
I'm a lucky man'
Cause I got to meet ya
I'll come to your house
And then I'm gonna treat ya

Take you out to dinner
Wine and dine
Can't believe you're single
Because you're so fine

Be my Valentine
Please stroke my ego
(I'm not psycho)
Be my Valentine
Hungry for love
Won't you please be mine

You don't want me to stalk (you)
Well, baby, what's up
With that? You sent signs with your flirty stuff
Who sent you candy, are you a cheat?
Guess I'll have to stop being sweet
So when you're not ready, when you're home all alone
I'll call and harass you on the telephone

Be my Valentine
Please stroke my ego
(I'm not psycho)
Be my Valentine
Hungry for love
Won't you please be mine

Baby chow down
Hungry for love and it's crunch time

[Repeat chorus]

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!