This weekend I, like many of you, will watch Hugh Jackman hand out a bunch of gold statues. But right now I'm a little bummed out that I can't find video of my favorite Oscar moment online. It was 2005, and host Chris Rock ridiculed Jude Law in his monologue, as described here, which led to Sean Penn revisiting the subject TWO HOURS later in the broadcast as described at the end of the article, which led to this SNL sketch, which led to a hilariously awkward moment in my apartment.
Anyway, I don't get to the theater much, so to make my Oscar picks I had to improvise and create some new categories. So, pretend you just heard a few jokes bomb as the presenters struggle to read the teleprompter, and away we go...the winners are...
Best Hispanic character on The Office: Oscar Nunez
Best Writer: Oscar Wilde
Best Musical Writer: Oscar Hammerstein
Best Athlete: Oscar Robertson
Best Oscar De La: Oscar De La Hoya (but De La Renta still rules the red carpet)
Best Sprinter With No Legs: Oscar Pistorius
Best Half of the Odd Couple: Oscar (maybe next year, Felix)
Best Fighting Fish: Oscars
Best Rapping Manager: Oscar
Best Almost-Oscar: One of these
Best Factory Owner: Oskar Schindler
Best Grouch: Oscar
Best Hot Dog: Oscar Mayer
Best Talking Dog: Oscar
Best Sly Stallone '90s Comedy: Oscar (although it was unintentionally hilarious, Judge Dredd was not technically a comedy)
I could go on (and on my blog I usually do), but I don't want to get played off by the orchestra. To wrap up, I guess I'll retain the biggest Academy Award category for my personal Oscars.
Best Picture: Oscar Gamble
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Mo' money, mo' problems
For a few of the job applications I've filled out recently, I've had to include my college GPA. One even asked for a year-by-year GPA, which meant I checked out my transcript for the first time in a while. I was remarkably consistent in college--I had a cumulative 3.89 GPA, yet never had a semester with a 4.0. It reminds me of the time I took Julie Camp to the Christmas Dance in high school. We went bowling before the dance, and Julie got a 79 without a single spare or strike. Now that's consistency.
My lowest GPA for a semester was 3.64, due mainly to the C+ I "achieved" in my Old Testament class--my worst grade ever at any level. The C+ was my fault, though at the time I blamed my professor. He made awful jokes, all the time, the same ones over and over again (like calling the fourth book of Moses "Leave it to cuss," or talking about how grateful he was for the Book of Ruth, because "it would be a shame to be Ruthless"). I've made my share of bad jokes before, but I'm usually aware that they're bad, and I haven't been a serial joke-repeater since my childhood "Why did the fishermen go fishing?" days.
Even worse, he gave a quiz every day, and then we graded our own quizzes in class. That means I'd have to suffer through "if I put [something vaguely related], can I get half credit?" types of questions every time. This process took at least 15 minutes in each class, and since we only had two 50-minute sessions a week to begin with to cover about 800 pages of OT curriculum, and since it was an 8 AM class, I gave in to my frustration and skipped almost half of the classes. Since I wasn't there to take the quizzes, my grade slipped down past the Bs.
For my first few years of college, I had a grade-based full tuition scholarship, which I got one year at a time, and then it would be renewed if my grades were good enough. My grades, as stated above, were good, but so were my classmates' (Communications is a pretty easy major, I'll readily admit that), and that fall my GPA was one-hundredth of a point below the cutoff for full tuition, and I got a half tuition scholarship instead.
So, my laziness or stubbornness or whatever you want to call it in relation to my Old Testament class cost me about $1600 (BYU is remarkably cheap compared to other schools, isn't it?). I ended up receiving a departmental scholarship that covered the rest of my tuition, but I probably would've got that anyway, and could've used that money for any number of other things. Pretty frustrating, and I only have myself to blame.
More recently, I've spent money that I didn't have to, and I really wish I had it back. About a fortnight ago, I finally gave up after my fifth try to get my money back from DHL brought me to the same dead end. Back in August when I moved back to New York, I shipped some boxes to myself. DHL sent them overnight instead of ground, a total difference of more than $500 for the four boxes. They haven't been pleasant to deal with, and even if I had the option I wouldn't give them my business again.
Back in September, I filled a prescription for Flomax, since after my surgery I was having bathroom problems and had to be catheterized. Turns out I'm just slow at recovering from anesthesia, and if we had waited just a little longer I probably would've been fine, and wouldn't have had to pay $110 for 30-40 pills, of which I took four. If you know someone who uses Flomax, I'd be happy to sell the rest of my stash at a discounted rate.
Finally, earlier this month, I left my apartment without my Metro card, probably the first time I've ever done that. So I bought a new card and put about $10 on it, which technically isn't a loss since I can still use it, but it was aggravating when I next tried using my regular card and saw that the month was up and it was time to buy a new unlimited monthly pass anyway.
At least I got my tax refund last week. I ended up paying less than $100 combined income tax for state and federal. Not bad. I've used this website to do my taxes the last few years. It's not for everyone--if you made a lot of money (like more than $60,000--that's a lot to me), or have W2's from more than one state, then you can't use it. But if you qualify, they'll file your federal for free, and your state for just $10 (or, obviously, you can file your state return for free on your own). It's a pretty good deal, and despite the evidence given above, I usually try to take good care of my money.
My lowest GPA for a semester was 3.64, due mainly to the C+ I "achieved" in my Old Testament class--my worst grade ever at any level. The C+ was my fault, though at the time I blamed my professor. He made awful jokes, all the time, the same ones over and over again (like calling the fourth book of Moses "Leave it to cuss," or talking about how grateful he was for the Book of Ruth, because "it would be a shame to be Ruthless"). I've made my share of bad jokes before, but I'm usually aware that they're bad, and I haven't been a serial joke-repeater since my childhood "Why did the fishermen go fishing?" days.
Even worse, he gave a quiz every day, and then we graded our own quizzes in class. That means I'd have to suffer through "if I put [something vaguely related], can I get half credit?" types of questions every time. This process took at least 15 minutes in each class, and since we only had two 50-minute sessions a week to begin with to cover about 800 pages of OT curriculum, and since it was an 8 AM class, I gave in to my frustration and skipped almost half of the classes. Since I wasn't there to take the quizzes, my grade slipped down past the Bs.
For my first few years of college, I had a grade-based full tuition scholarship, which I got one year at a time, and then it would be renewed if my grades were good enough. My grades, as stated above, were good, but so were my classmates' (Communications is a pretty easy major, I'll readily admit that), and that fall my GPA was one-hundredth of a point below the cutoff for full tuition, and I got a half tuition scholarship instead.
So, my laziness or stubbornness or whatever you want to call it in relation to my Old Testament class cost me about $1600 (BYU is remarkably cheap compared to other schools, isn't it?). I ended up receiving a departmental scholarship that covered the rest of my tuition, but I probably would've got that anyway, and could've used that money for any number of other things. Pretty frustrating, and I only have myself to blame.
More recently, I've spent money that I didn't have to, and I really wish I had it back. About a fortnight ago, I finally gave up after my fifth try to get my money back from DHL brought me to the same dead end. Back in August when I moved back to New York, I shipped some boxes to myself. DHL sent them overnight instead of ground, a total difference of more than $500 for the four boxes. They haven't been pleasant to deal with, and even if I had the option I wouldn't give them my business again.
Back in September, I filled a prescription for Flomax, since after my surgery I was having bathroom problems and had to be catheterized. Turns out I'm just slow at recovering from anesthesia, and if we had waited just a little longer I probably would've been fine, and wouldn't have had to pay $110 for 30-40 pills, of which I took four. If you know someone who uses Flomax, I'd be happy to sell the rest of my stash at a discounted rate.
Finally, earlier this month, I left my apartment without my Metro card, probably the first time I've ever done that. So I bought a new card and put about $10 on it, which technically isn't a loss since I can still use it, but it was aggravating when I next tried using my regular card and saw that the month was up and it was time to buy a new unlimited monthly pass anyway.
At least I got my tax refund last week. I ended up paying less than $100 combined income tax for state and federal. Not bad. I've used this website to do my taxes the last few years. It's not for everyone--if you made a lot of money (like more than $60,000--that's a lot to me), or have W2's from more than one state, then you can't use it. But if you qualify, they'll file your federal for free, and your state for just $10 (or, obviously, you can file your state return for free on your own). It's a pretty good deal, and despite the evidence given above, I usually try to take good care of my money.
Monday, February 16, 2009
If you win, take me with you
Click this link and fill out the form for a chance to win a trip for four to Scotland. It's seriously the fastest online contest entry you'll ever see. All you have to do is enter your name, e-mail address, and zip code, and choose three of five "experiences" for your potential trip (and since one of them is "the whisky experience," most if not all of my readers will only have to choose three out of four). And that's it.
Except one more thing: if you enter but don't plan on bringing me with you, you're actually decreasing my chances of winning. So only enter if you're reserving a spot for me (if I win, I'll choose you, I promise). Take my word for it, there isn't a better place you and three friends could take a free vacation this summer.
By the way, people really do win these things. My sister-in-law has turned contest entry into a part-time job of sorts. Once I mysteriously received a Lord of the Rings DVD in the mail, only to learn a few weeks later that after winning one for herself, Kimberly had reentered the contest several times using family members' names. Not long after that, she won a week-long trip to the Cayman Islands for her family from Nickelodeon. So, seriously, take 30 seconds and win me a Scottish holiday already.
Except one more thing: if you enter but don't plan on bringing me with you, you're actually decreasing my chances of winning. So only enter if you're reserving a spot for me (if I win, I'll choose you, I promise). Take my word for it, there isn't a better place you and three friends could take a free vacation this summer.
By the way, people really do win these things. My sister-in-law has turned contest entry into a part-time job of sorts. Once I mysteriously received a Lord of the Rings DVD in the mail, only to learn a few weeks later that after winning one for herself, Kimberly had reentered the contest several times using family members' names. Not long after that, she won a week-long trip to the Cayman Islands for her family from Nickelodeon. So, seriously, take 30 seconds and win me a Scottish holiday already.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
It's still real to me, darn it!
As great as the Super Bowl was, and as much as I enjoy Groundhog Day and its eponymous movie, the most important day of this week to me is today. For February 3 marks 20 years since the first time I watched a WWF match.
That's right, I'm a big fan of pro wrestling (though not as passionate about it as the guy who inspired this post's title), and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Before that fateful day in 1989, I was already a fan of the cartoon show Hulk Hogan's Rock 'n' Wrestling, which might be why my dad suggested I try the real thing. (My dad used to like wrestling and other, more traditional sports, but now can't stand them. I'm not sure why.)
That night, NBC was broadcasting one of their occasional prime time wrestling specials, The Main Event. And what a main event! The World Wrestling Federation's equivalent of a rock supergroup, the Mega Powers, were taking on the dastardly Twin Towers, Akeem and the Big Boss Man (trust me, they were quite evil and intimidating at the time). This was, of course, the match where the Mega Powers broke up, as WWF champ "Macho Man" Randy Savage could no longer contain his jealousy of partner Hulk Hogan. The two of them began an epic feud, and hooked a new fan in the process.
In honor of today's platinum anniversary, here is a (perhaps not-so-) brief timeline of some significant events of my time as a fan.
1989
In October, my brother bought me a half-birthday present: the current issue of WWF Magazine, with Ultimate Warrior on the cover. I soon began collecting them (much more on this below).
The next month, I pretended to be sick so I could skip attending The Little Mermaid (I had won tickets in a coloring contest). The reason: there was to be a test of strength between Ultimate Warrior and Dino Bravo, an unusually significant event for Superstars of Wrestling, the weekly syndicated show I watched. (I'm amazed I found the video. I love YouTube.)
1990
For Christmas, Santa brought me an Ultimate Warrior Wrestling Buddy, which I grappled with by day and cuddled with by night. Despite my frequent Warrior mentions, my favorite wrestler at this time was Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake.
1991
Can't recall anything really important from this year. I guess I'll say that this was the year where I came to terms with the fact that wrestling is fake (I used to get really mad when my older brother would tell me that). Well, staged is a better word. It's still a pretty dangerous occupation, and often very damaging to the wrestlers' long-term health (more on that later).
1992
A year of firsts: in February my dad took me to my first live WWF event, where I saw Rowdy Roddy Piper defeat Ric Flair (but by count-out, allowing Flair to retain his title). A few months later, I started my first WWF Magazine subscription (I had been buying them individually from 7-11 prior to this).
Late in the year, Superstars went off the air. I wouldn't see a current wrestling show again until 1996. I had to keep myself occupied with the few tapes I could find, my action figures (supplemented by my He-Man collection), and of course my magazines.
1993
As my magazine collection grew, and as I had few other options to get my wrestling fix, I began (I can't believe I'm admitting this) counting pictures of people in each issue and tracking them in a database. This process raised some tough questions: does a picture of Hulk Hogan on a t-shirt or ice cream bar count as a picture of Hulk Hogan? (Yes.) Do pictures of non-wrestling figures in advertisements count, requiring me to at least attempt to figure out the names of the members of Motorhead or the cast of the Mortal Kombat movie, in the days before Google? (Yes.) Does this qualify me for the Nerd Hall of Fame? (Absolutely.)
1994
I had won tickets to a WCW (the WWF's rival company) event, but was afraid to invite anyone for fear of being mocked for being a wrestling fan. Randomly, in my geometry class I heard Jerrett Andrew say something that indicated he liked wrestling. The two of us were already friends due to our common interests in baseball and Batman movies, but starting with that event wrestling helped us become best friends.
With Brutus Beefcake now out of the WWF, I finally settled on a new favorite wrestler: Razor Ramon.
1995
WCW begins airing Nitro opposite WWF's Raw on monday nights, kicking off the "Monday Night Wars" and bringing pro wrestling to unprecedented heights of popularity. It was no longer necessary to hide my fandom. The types of matches usually saved for pay-per-views after months of build-up now happened on a weekly basis as the two shows competed for viewers. It was great at the time, but damaging to the industry in the long term (in my opinion).
1996
Jerrett and I attended a live event sans parents for the first time--also the first time we ponied up the dough for floor seats. We also began incorporating various wrestling poses into our moves at various high school dances and stomps.
I believe this was also the year Jakks began releasing WWF action figures, a huge upgrade over the Hasbro ones I bought years earlier. Yes, I played with toys throughout my high school years.
1997
This was a big year. I've already chronicled one of my favorite personal anecdotes, detailing how Jerrett and I got our hands on Triple H's gum. Definitely worth reading, or rereading, as the case may be. Jerrett also lived the dream and bought the WrestleFest arcade game from the Tilt in Fashion Place Mall. That's right, I knew a guy with an arcade game in his bedroom. It was pretty sweet.
That fall, I was granted my own column in the high school paper. My first topic, of course, was about my love for pro wrestling (I wrote it in part because it's one of my passions, but also to rebut a previous anti-wrestling editorial written by my colleague Jared Robbins, who is the closest I've ever had to a rival, probably. I ought to write more about him sometime).
1998
In one of my first college adventures, Andy Christensen and I drove down to see a show at Snow College with our friend Susie, still the only time I've attended an "indie" wrestling event and the only time I've touched a real wrestling ring (I didn't get inside though). Susie and I are still annoyed that the promoted midget match never took place.
Some embarrassing moments for the wrestling biz, as the likes of Karl Malone, Dennis Rodman, and even Jay Leno not only feature prominently in storylines but even take part in matches! This trend reaches a humiliating apex the next year when David Arquette becomes the WCW champion. I'm completely serious. Next month Mickey Rourke will take on Chris Jericho at WresteMania, and while he certainly looks and acts the part better than Arquette, I imagine it will still be pretty obvious that he shouldn't be in the match.
1999
Tragedy strikes as Owen Hart, one of my favorites (it would have been devastating even if I hated him, though), falls to his death as a stunt goes awry during a pay-per-view event. Many fans believe it is part of the show, at least in part because WWF owner Vince McMahon decides to carry on rather than cancel after the accident.
2000
Although I am on my mission in Scotland, my WWF Magazine subscription continues (I planned ahead).
2001
A bittersweet (as far as wrestling goes) return to the USA: I missed the entire XFL experience, but I have two years' worth of magazines to catch up on. By the time I went back to college six weeks later, I had read them cover to cover and catalogued all of the pictures.
2002
After losing a legal battle with the World Wildlife Fund, WWF becomes WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment). I still don't like calling it that.
2003
My singles ward has a date auction, where you bid on dates without knowing who the date will be with. Most have very elaborate descriptions, involve multiple couples, and raise a lot of money for the sub-for-Santa program. The one I entered was simply "dinner and WrestleMania." I figured the winning bidder would be either a wrestling fan, a girl who knew I was a fan and wanted to date me, or preferably both. Instead, I got a pity bid of $10 from Chrissy Briggs, the lowest total of the night. But she did come over and eat pizza with me while we watched some of my favorite matches from my WrestleMania 1-13 boxed set.
2004
This was the year I first became aware of upstart wrestling promotion TNA. They can probably never become a true rival to WWE (which bought WCW in 2001) as long as they continue to use their goofy 6-sided ring.
2005
About a year after WWE Magazine is replaced by Raw and Smackdown Magazines (one for each of the company's main brands and TV shows), I decide not to renew my subscription. I still have all of the old issues, and the spreadsheets with the picture counts are on a floppy disk somewhere. I'm pretty sure Undertaker finished as #1, although he may have been passed by Stone Cold Steve Austin, I can't remember. The Hulkster definitely had the highest per-issue average.
2006
Nothing stands out.
2007
In the wake of the Chris Benoit murder-suicide, I question why I follow wrestling, and wonder if I should continue to do so. Literally dozens of wrestlers have died in their 40s or 50s (or even younger) as a result of accidents, drug overdoses, suicides, and other drug-related reasons such as heart failure. Wrestlers lead a harsh lifestyle; there's no offseason, and the WWE puts on about 250 shows per year. Many performers have to take painkillers or worse to be able to keep up with the grueling schedule. It would be great to see some major changes made to the way WWE operates. They've banned certain moves that are more dangerous, which is a good start, and they have a stricter drug policy than they used to, but it seems like it's mainly designed to keep Congress off their backs. I still watch wrestling, but often it's more out of habit than enjoyment.
2008
Living in apartments without cable, I come across websites that stream wrestling and other live sporting events. On each of these sites, next to the video is a chat window where people type some of the most ridiculous stuff I've ever seen, a combination of racism, sexism, homophobia, foul language, poor grammar and other nonsense. When they actually write about wrestling, they love to give spoilers if it's a broadcast of a taped show, or to talk about how wrestling sucks and they miss "the good old days" I've been describing, even though most of them are teenagers and can't possibly remember anything from before 1999. I try to ignore it, but my eyes get drawn to it, and then I'm too stunned by their stupidity to turn away.
2009
I'm hopeful this will be the year I attend a live event at Madison Square Garden, the mecca of professional wrestling.
So there you go. Happy anniversary to me. As with The Simpsons, my other 20-year pop culture passion, most of the good times happened in the early and middle years of the relationship, but every so often wrestling does something that makes me remember why I fell in love with it in the first place. It will always be my soap opera of choice.
That's right, I'm a big fan of pro wrestling (though not as passionate about it as the guy who inspired this post's title), and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Before that fateful day in 1989, I was already a fan of the cartoon show Hulk Hogan's Rock 'n' Wrestling, which might be why my dad suggested I try the real thing. (My dad used to like wrestling and other, more traditional sports, but now can't stand them. I'm not sure why.)
That night, NBC was broadcasting one of their occasional prime time wrestling specials, The Main Event. And what a main event! The World Wrestling Federation's equivalent of a rock supergroup, the Mega Powers, were taking on the dastardly Twin Towers, Akeem and the Big Boss Man (trust me, they were quite evil and intimidating at the time). This was, of course, the match where the Mega Powers broke up, as WWF champ "Macho Man" Randy Savage could no longer contain his jealousy of partner Hulk Hogan. The two of them began an epic feud, and hooked a new fan in the process.
In honor of today's platinum anniversary, here is a (perhaps not-so-) brief timeline of some significant events of my time as a fan.
1989
In October, my brother bought me a half-birthday present: the current issue of WWF Magazine, with Ultimate Warrior on the cover. I soon began collecting them (much more on this below).
The next month, I pretended to be sick so I could skip attending The Little Mermaid (I had won tickets in a coloring contest). The reason: there was to be a test of strength between Ultimate Warrior and Dino Bravo, an unusually significant event for Superstars of Wrestling, the weekly syndicated show I watched. (I'm amazed I found the video. I love YouTube.)
1990
For Christmas, Santa brought me an Ultimate Warrior Wrestling Buddy, which I grappled with by day and cuddled with by night. Despite my frequent Warrior mentions, my favorite wrestler at this time was Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake.
1991
Can't recall anything really important from this year. I guess I'll say that this was the year where I came to terms with the fact that wrestling is fake (I used to get really mad when my older brother would tell me that). Well, staged is a better word. It's still a pretty dangerous occupation, and often very damaging to the wrestlers' long-term health (more on that later).
1992
A year of firsts: in February my dad took me to my first live WWF event, where I saw Rowdy Roddy Piper defeat Ric Flair (but by count-out, allowing Flair to retain his title). A few months later, I started my first WWF Magazine subscription (I had been buying them individually from 7-11 prior to this).
Late in the year, Superstars went off the air. I wouldn't see a current wrestling show again until 1996. I had to keep myself occupied with the few tapes I could find, my action figures (supplemented by my He-Man collection), and of course my magazines.
1993
As my magazine collection grew, and as I had few other options to get my wrestling fix, I began (I can't believe I'm admitting this) counting pictures of people in each issue and tracking them in a database. This process raised some tough questions: does a picture of Hulk Hogan on a t-shirt or ice cream bar count as a picture of Hulk Hogan? (Yes.) Do pictures of non-wrestling figures in advertisements count, requiring me to at least attempt to figure out the names of the members of Motorhead or the cast of the Mortal Kombat movie, in the days before Google? (Yes.) Does this qualify me for the Nerd Hall of Fame? (Absolutely.)
1994
I had won tickets to a WCW (the WWF's rival company) event, but was afraid to invite anyone for fear of being mocked for being a wrestling fan. Randomly, in my geometry class I heard Jerrett Andrew say something that indicated he liked wrestling. The two of us were already friends due to our common interests in baseball and Batman movies, but starting with that event wrestling helped us become best friends.
With Brutus Beefcake now out of the WWF, I finally settled on a new favorite wrestler: Razor Ramon.
1995
WCW begins airing Nitro opposite WWF's Raw on monday nights, kicking off the "Monday Night Wars" and bringing pro wrestling to unprecedented heights of popularity. It was no longer necessary to hide my fandom. The types of matches usually saved for pay-per-views after months of build-up now happened on a weekly basis as the two shows competed for viewers. It was great at the time, but damaging to the industry in the long term (in my opinion).
1996
Jerrett and I attended a live event sans parents for the first time--also the first time we ponied up the dough for floor seats. We also began incorporating various wrestling poses into our moves at various high school dances and stomps.
I believe this was also the year Jakks began releasing WWF action figures, a huge upgrade over the Hasbro ones I bought years earlier. Yes, I played with toys throughout my high school years.
1997
This was a big year. I've already chronicled one of my favorite personal anecdotes, detailing how Jerrett and I got our hands on Triple H's gum. Definitely worth reading, or rereading, as the case may be. Jerrett also lived the dream and bought the WrestleFest arcade game from the Tilt in Fashion Place Mall. That's right, I knew a guy with an arcade game in his bedroom. It was pretty sweet.
That fall, I was granted my own column in the high school paper. My first topic, of course, was about my love for pro wrestling (I wrote it in part because it's one of my passions, but also to rebut a previous anti-wrestling editorial written by my colleague Jared Robbins, who is the closest I've ever had to a rival, probably. I ought to write more about him sometime).
1998
In one of my first college adventures, Andy Christensen and I drove down to see a show at Snow College with our friend Susie, still the only time I've attended an "indie" wrestling event and the only time I've touched a real wrestling ring (I didn't get inside though). Susie and I are still annoyed that the promoted midget match never took place.
Some embarrassing moments for the wrestling biz, as the likes of Karl Malone, Dennis Rodman, and even Jay Leno not only feature prominently in storylines but even take part in matches! This trend reaches a humiliating apex the next year when David Arquette becomes the WCW champion. I'm completely serious. Next month Mickey Rourke will take on Chris Jericho at WresteMania, and while he certainly looks and acts the part better than Arquette, I imagine it will still be pretty obvious that he shouldn't be in the match.
1999
Tragedy strikes as Owen Hart, one of my favorites (it would have been devastating even if I hated him, though), falls to his death as a stunt goes awry during a pay-per-view event. Many fans believe it is part of the show, at least in part because WWF owner Vince McMahon decides to carry on rather than cancel after the accident.
2000
Although I am on my mission in Scotland, my WWF Magazine subscription continues (I planned ahead).
2001
A bittersweet (as far as wrestling goes) return to the USA: I missed the entire XFL experience, but I have two years' worth of magazines to catch up on. By the time I went back to college six weeks later, I had read them cover to cover and catalogued all of the pictures.
2002
After losing a legal battle with the World Wildlife Fund, WWF becomes WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment). I still don't like calling it that.
2003
My singles ward has a date auction, where you bid on dates without knowing who the date will be with. Most have very elaborate descriptions, involve multiple couples, and raise a lot of money for the sub-for-Santa program. The one I entered was simply "dinner and WrestleMania." I figured the winning bidder would be either a wrestling fan, a girl who knew I was a fan and wanted to date me, or preferably both. Instead, I got a pity bid of $10 from Chrissy Briggs, the lowest total of the night. But she did come over and eat pizza with me while we watched some of my favorite matches from my WrestleMania 1-13 boxed set.
2004
This was the year I first became aware of upstart wrestling promotion TNA. They can probably never become a true rival to WWE (which bought WCW in 2001) as long as they continue to use their goofy 6-sided ring.
2005
About a year after WWE Magazine is replaced by Raw and Smackdown Magazines (one for each of the company's main brands and TV shows), I decide not to renew my subscription. I still have all of the old issues, and the spreadsheets with the picture counts are on a floppy disk somewhere. I'm pretty sure Undertaker finished as #1, although he may have been passed by Stone Cold Steve Austin, I can't remember. The Hulkster definitely had the highest per-issue average.
2006
Nothing stands out.
2007
In the wake of the Chris Benoit murder-suicide, I question why I follow wrestling, and wonder if I should continue to do so. Literally dozens of wrestlers have died in their 40s or 50s (or even younger) as a result of accidents, drug overdoses, suicides, and other drug-related reasons such as heart failure. Wrestlers lead a harsh lifestyle; there's no offseason, and the WWE puts on about 250 shows per year. Many performers have to take painkillers or worse to be able to keep up with the grueling schedule. It would be great to see some major changes made to the way WWE operates. They've banned certain moves that are more dangerous, which is a good start, and they have a stricter drug policy than they used to, but it seems like it's mainly designed to keep Congress off their backs. I still watch wrestling, but often it's more out of habit than enjoyment.
2008
Living in apartments without cable, I come across websites that stream wrestling and other live sporting events. On each of these sites, next to the video is a chat window where people type some of the most ridiculous stuff I've ever seen, a combination of racism, sexism, homophobia, foul language, poor grammar and other nonsense. When they actually write about wrestling, they love to give spoilers if it's a broadcast of a taped show, or to talk about how wrestling sucks and they miss "the good old days" I've been describing, even though most of them are teenagers and can't possibly remember anything from before 1999. I try to ignore it, but my eyes get drawn to it, and then I'm too stunned by their stupidity to turn away.
2009
I'm hopeful this will be the year I attend a live event at Madison Square Garden, the mecca of professional wrestling.
So there you go. Happy anniversary to me. As with The Simpsons, my other 20-year pop culture passion, most of the good times happened in the early and middle years of the relationship, but every so often wrestling does something that makes me remember why I fell in love with it in the first place. It will always be my soap opera of choice.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Greatest hits
I put this up on Facebook earlier in the week (everyone was putting up a list of 25 bits of personal trivia, and I always go along with the crowd), but didn't want anyone to miss out on learning more about me. For those of you who have already read this list, I've spruced it up with some cool links and a brand new entry at #25. Next time I have nothing to write about, I'll probably regret not saving some of these items and turning them into their own posts, but oh well.
1. When I was a kid, I shared a room with my older brother, and after lunch on Saturdays we had to take naps. To get out of this, on more than one occasion we would "wet my bed"--stand up next to my bed and use the mattress as a toilet. For some reason my mom never questioned why my sheets were wet but not my pants, but I figure now that she must have known. (Nothing like starting off a list like this with a bang, eh?)
2. That time when I was little and I claimed I said "Dan" to my brother and sister? I lied. I really swore. And I swore a couple more times in my youth because I thought it was cool. But now I really dislike cursing. I’m more likely to be put off by bad language in a movie or TV show than by violent or sexual content. Unless the swearing is done by Will Smith.
3. Once I stole a pack’s worth of baseball cards from my Primary teacher’s house while at a party there. My rationale: the cards were loose in the toy box, and their oldest child was just 3 years old at the time--too young, I supposed, to appreciate the cards. I still have them. (I promise this note will be more than a list of my childhood indiscretions.)
4. I’m a genius. I won an award from the Rocky Mountain Talent Search in the 7th grade for highest ACT score in the state for my age level (I got a 26). When I took the test for real in high school, I scored a 34.
5. I've never been shy about letting people know how smart I am, either. In elementary school, if I was the first to finish a test, I would "discretely" rustle my paper as I walked to the teacher’s desk to turn it in. I ceased this practice when I was called on it by Brad Price, a smart and highly-competitive classmate.
6. I used to be a really picky eater. I ate peanut butter sandwiches (no jelly), cereal, and that was about it. Now I will gladly try anything, and there are very few foods I don’t like (not much of a surprise when you look at my belly).
7. Some discontinued foods that I really miss: PB Max, Toll House Cookie Bars, the Sonic pancake on a stick, O'Boises (they’re O’Boisterous!), Crystal Pepsi, the German chocolate brownie at Mrs. Fields, and various novelty cereals (Smurf Berry Crunch, Nintendo, Mr. T (I'm not the only one who liked it), Ghostbusters, Batman, etc.).
8. I've always been attracted to redheads. Certainly not exclusively, but I’m definitely on the “pro” side of this sometimes-polarizing debate.
9. If I’m watching TV alone, I usually do it standing up. Especially if I’m watching sports.
10. When I worked as a phone-screener on Marie Osmond’s radio show, I had to try to mislead every caller into thinking we were on the air live. It was weird.
11. Speaking of deception...my house was one of many in which children were banned from watching The Simpsons. I watched it anyway, when I could get away with it. Tired of having to turn it off whenever I heard someone coming, I eventually challenged my mom to watch an episode with me and see if it was as bad as she thought it was. She agreed, we watched the episode where Marge starts a pretzel business, and Mom determined the show was unobjectionable (though not entertaining to her). I began taping the episodes in case she changed her mind later on. Although it’s not nearly as good as it used to be, The Simpsons is definitely my all-time favorite show. Which, considering how much TV I watch, is really saying something.
12. I vividly remember the time my dad lost his temper at FHE because it was so out of character for him. He’s great.
13. One of my favorite things about living in New York is not having to drive. I've never enjoyed driving. I am a good driver though (but poor at parking).
14. The two things I do on a semi-regular basis that make me most nervous are ask girls on dates and give Priesthood blessings.
15. I’m still surprised that my idea of a "Start the Fast" activity didn't become more popular than "Break the Fast" in my student ward.
16. I now regret any time in the past where I described people or things as "gay," "retarded," and similarly inappropriate words.
17. My favorite sport to play is wallyball (volleyball on a racquetball court) because I can actually perform pretty well, since there’s hardly any running involved, and my inability to hit the ball straight is actually an asset. Plus, BYU Intramural rules negate some of the potential advantages held by people who can jump. It’s right up my alley.
18. If I have an open package of cookies or cheese, no matter how much is left, I’m at least as likely to finish the package as I am to eat some and put the rest away.
19. It’s been WAY too long since I kissed anybody.
20. I've had many nicknames in my life. First it was "Peepo," because of the way I said "people" when I was little (and not because of this). My friend Wade called me "Jeffrey Huggins" after the Beverly Cleary character Henry Huggins. Future NBA player Britton Johnsen christened me Lurch in junior high, because back then I was tall and skinny and never smiled. In high school everyone called me Hoover, but not because I sucked (although the origin does—my middle name is Edward, or Mr. Ed, who was a horse, and horses have hooves...seriously, that’s it...). In college, my coworker Natalie labeled our studio crew "the Fat Kids," because all the other BYU Broadcasting employees looked down on us "like the fat kid who gets picked last for softball."
21. I watched more R-rated movies in one of my mission areas (although they weren't rated R there, since the UK uses a different system, and this total includes watching "The Green Mile" at the bishop’s house on Christmas day) than I have in the rest of my life combined.
22. My brother and I engaged in some epic games of jungle ball in our bedroom. We had a big, round laundry detergent container that we used as a basket, and one of those rubber balls you get for two bucks from ShopKo. The only rule was you had to dribble. We’d play for over an hour and the final score would be something like 6-4. The rest of the time, we were grappling on the floor. My brother was bigger, stronger, and more aggressive than me, but if I could get around behind him I’d dig my chin into his back. Plus, there was the time my brother sheared off our doorknob trying to pull himself up, and another time I knocked him back and he put his butt through the drywall. I count those as victories.
23. I’m already on the lookout for ideas for this year’s Halloween costume. For some reason, I think it would be hilarious if I dressed as Kim Jong-il.
24. I really like music videos. The cheesier the better. Many of my favorite songs rate high on my list mainly because I like the video for the song.
25. A middle-aged lady I tried to help reactivate in one of my mission areas told me I have "come-to-bed eyes." I'm pretty sure she meant it as a compliment.
I'll stop there, but rest assured I could easily come up with seven or eight more. I'm a pretty interesting fellow.
1. When I was a kid, I shared a room with my older brother, and after lunch on Saturdays we had to take naps. To get out of this, on more than one occasion we would "wet my bed"--stand up next to my bed and use the mattress as a toilet. For some reason my mom never questioned why my sheets were wet but not my pants, but I figure now that she must have known. (Nothing like starting off a list like this with a bang, eh?)
2. That time when I was little and I claimed I said "Dan" to my brother and sister? I lied. I really swore. And I swore a couple more times in my youth because I thought it was cool. But now I really dislike cursing. I’m more likely to be put off by bad language in a movie or TV show than by violent or sexual content. Unless the swearing is done by Will Smith.
3. Once I stole a pack’s worth of baseball cards from my Primary teacher’s house while at a party there. My rationale: the cards were loose in the toy box, and their oldest child was just 3 years old at the time--too young, I supposed, to appreciate the cards. I still have them. (I promise this note will be more than a list of my childhood indiscretions.)
4. I’m a genius. I won an award from the Rocky Mountain Talent Search in the 7th grade for highest ACT score in the state for my age level (I got a 26). When I took the test for real in high school, I scored a 34.
5. I've never been shy about letting people know how smart I am, either. In elementary school, if I was the first to finish a test, I would "discretely" rustle my paper as I walked to the teacher’s desk to turn it in. I ceased this practice when I was called on it by Brad Price, a smart and highly-competitive classmate.
6. I used to be a really picky eater. I ate peanut butter sandwiches (no jelly), cereal, and that was about it. Now I will gladly try anything, and there are very few foods I don’t like (not much of a surprise when you look at my belly).
7. Some discontinued foods that I really miss: PB Max, Toll House Cookie Bars, the Sonic pancake on a stick, O'Boises (they’re O’Boisterous!), Crystal Pepsi, the German chocolate brownie at Mrs. Fields, and various novelty cereals (Smurf Berry Crunch, Nintendo, Mr. T (I'm not the only one who liked it), Ghostbusters, Batman, etc.).
8. I've always been attracted to redheads. Certainly not exclusively, but I’m definitely on the “pro” side of this sometimes-polarizing debate.
9. If I’m watching TV alone, I usually do it standing up. Especially if I’m watching sports.
10. When I worked as a phone-screener on Marie Osmond’s radio show, I had to try to mislead every caller into thinking we were on the air live. It was weird.
11. Speaking of deception...my house was one of many in which children were banned from watching The Simpsons. I watched it anyway, when I could get away with it. Tired of having to turn it off whenever I heard someone coming, I eventually challenged my mom to watch an episode with me and see if it was as bad as she thought it was. She agreed, we watched the episode where Marge starts a pretzel business, and Mom determined the show was unobjectionable (though not entertaining to her). I began taping the episodes in case she changed her mind later on. Although it’s not nearly as good as it used to be, The Simpsons is definitely my all-time favorite show. Which, considering how much TV I watch, is really saying something.
12. I vividly remember the time my dad lost his temper at FHE because it was so out of character for him. He’s great.
13. One of my favorite things about living in New York is not having to drive. I've never enjoyed driving. I am a good driver though (but poor at parking).
14. The two things I do on a semi-regular basis that make me most nervous are ask girls on dates and give Priesthood blessings.
15. I’m still surprised that my idea of a "Start the Fast" activity didn't become more popular than "Break the Fast" in my student ward.
16. I now regret any time in the past where I described people or things as "gay," "retarded," and similarly inappropriate words.
17. My favorite sport to play is wallyball (volleyball on a racquetball court) because I can actually perform pretty well, since there’s hardly any running involved, and my inability to hit the ball straight is actually an asset. Plus, BYU Intramural rules negate some of the potential advantages held by people who can jump. It’s right up my alley.
18. If I have an open package of cookies or cheese, no matter how much is left, I’m at least as likely to finish the package as I am to eat some and put the rest away.
19. It’s been WAY too long since I kissed anybody.
20. I've had many nicknames in my life. First it was "Peepo," because of the way I said "people" when I was little (and not because of this). My friend Wade called me "Jeffrey Huggins" after the Beverly Cleary character Henry Huggins. Future NBA player Britton Johnsen christened me Lurch in junior high, because back then I was tall and skinny and never smiled. In high school everyone called me Hoover, but not because I sucked (although the origin does—my middle name is Edward, or Mr. Ed, who was a horse, and horses have hooves...seriously, that’s it...). In college, my coworker Natalie labeled our studio crew "the Fat Kids," because all the other BYU Broadcasting employees looked down on us "like the fat kid who gets picked last for softball."
21. I watched more R-rated movies in one of my mission areas (although they weren't rated R there, since the UK uses a different system, and this total includes watching "The Green Mile" at the bishop’s house on Christmas day) than I have in the rest of my life combined.
22. My brother and I engaged in some epic games of jungle ball in our bedroom. We had a big, round laundry detergent container that we used as a basket, and one of those rubber balls you get for two bucks from ShopKo. The only rule was you had to dribble. We’d play for over an hour and the final score would be something like 6-4. The rest of the time, we were grappling on the floor. My brother was bigger, stronger, and more aggressive than me, but if I could get around behind him I’d dig my chin into his back. Plus, there was the time my brother sheared off our doorknob trying to pull himself up, and another time I knocked him back and he put his butt through the drywall. I count those as victories.
23. I’m already on the lookout for ideas for this year’s Halloween costume. For some reason, I think it would be hilarious if I dressed as Kim Jong-il.
24. I really like music videos. The cheesier the better. Many of my favorite songs rate high on my list mainly because I like the video for the song.
25. A middle-aged lady I tried to help reactivate in one of my mission areas told me I have "come-to-bed eyes." I'm pretty sure she meant it as a compliment.
I'll stop there, but rest assured I could easily come up with seven or eight more. I'm a pretty interesting fellow.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Don't panic
[In my last post I described the first road trip I ever took. That reminded me of what is likely my most memorable road trip ever, which I recount here, in the latest of my occasional series in which I rerun one of my old Laugh Out Loud blog entries. Enjoy!]
And bring a towel. And all that other great hitchhiking advice from Douglas Adams's tremendous book and the highly underrated 2005 movie version (which featured the tremendous Zooey Deschanel) that I didn't think I would ever need...but I was wrong.
A few of us had quite an adventure recently. We got hired to do a show in the thriving metropolis of Afton, Wyoming, at the all-night graduation party of the Star Valley High (not to be confused with Sweet Valley High) Braves. The biggest drama on the trip up was Erica trying to figure out how to make a relationship work with her new, hot, would-be boyfriend, an MMA fighter (he's conveniently referred to by us, Erica included, as "Mark Fighter") who was leaving in a few days to start chiropractic school in Iowa. The show was a lot of fun, the kids were great (America's future is secure in the hands of these recent graduates, including the ones who almost didn't get to graduate after turning the halls of the school into a giant slip-and-slide), and they gave us some excellent chocolate milk from the Shumway Dairy.
It turns out I love parenthetical statements. (But really, who doesn't?)
The parents running the party arranged for us to spend the night with a family who lived in the outskirts of Smoot, Wyoming (population 193). I didn't realize a place that size had outskirts. As I got out of Fred's car, my finger somehow got smashed as Fred was putting up his power windows. If I was a worrier by nature, I would've hoped that was the worst car-related mishap we'd have on this trip; but I'm not, so I mainly just focused on how much my finger hurt.
After a great breakfast the next morning, we set off for home. We made it about 10 miles before Fred pulled off the road because the car wasn't working right. KC assured us, based on his travel experiences to and from Jackson Hole last summer, that the problem was altitude-related and if we waited a few minutes the car would work fine again.
KC lied.
After doing what tinkering we could, and getting what advice we could from a few kind souls who stopped to offer assistance, we finally decided the car probably wasn't going anywhere. The car that stopped didn't have room for any of us, but they said they'd send a tow truck our way when they got back to Afton (oh yeah, none of us could get cell service where we were stranded).
Meanwhile, Erica was getting antsy, because she had a flight to catch that afternoon so she could go home to Connecticut for Memorial Day weekend. She decided to hitchhike (when we play the game Story in our shows, we try to avoid having the characters "decide" things and try to have them just do things. I'm not being a very good story-teller here). I decided (dang, not again!) to go with her, for a few reasons: we figured it'd be safer for two of us to hitchhike than just Erica alone; I too was tired of standing on the side of the road; and I have an unbelievably awesome family (worthy of several blog posts of their own), and I knew that if we could get part of the way back, like to Evanston or something, someone in my family would come and get us and bring us back the rest of the way.
For the first time in my life, I stood on the side of a highway and stuck out my thumb. It seemed like much longer, but after about 15 minutes a truck driver stopped. He was on his way to Logan and offered to take us along. KC took some pictures of this meeting; he said he took them in case he never saw us again.
(I don't remember it being windy that day, but it must have been gusting--look how much my t-shirt is puffing out!)
Any fears for our safety were quickly laid to rest. The trucker, Jeff Mitchell, was an incredibly nice guy--that's why he stopped, and we're so grateful to him for his help. He's from Hinckley, Utah, which is just outside of Delta (Utah's answer to Smoot and Afton, Wyoming, respectively), so he's close enough to come to an LOL show some time (we invited him to do so, and I hope he accepts, so we can give him the ovation he deserves).
The next few hours were relatively uneventful, except for a few times that we had to stop because cows were being herded across the road. I think I saw Billy Crystal. Within a few miles, I got some bars on my phone and called my mom. She and my sister Julie cancelled a hike they had been planning for a while, and started driving north to meet us. Jeff decided dropping us off in Tremonton would be most convenient for all involved. We ended up getting let off at a truck stop where, almost 2 years ago, I had been forced to pull off the road while driving to Boise to do a show. My sister's car was there, parked right next to the stain left by my puddle of transmission fluid. Seriously. It was kind of eerie.
It was about 12:45 at this point, and Erica's flight left at 4:45. Good thing Julie was driving and not Mom. My sis was amazing: darting in and out of traffic, getting up above 90 mph when possible (uh, LOL does not condone any violation of traffic laws), but even with her her superb driving, we didn't drop Erica off at her apartment in Provo until 3:00. She still had one last mad dash ahead of her, but thankfully Mark Fighter got her to her flight on time.
So Erica's story had a happy ending (except the part about her dream guy moving thousands of miles away). But my day wasn't over yet. We had an LOL show that night, and Fred and KC were supposed to be in it! Allan and I kept trying to call them all day to check their status, but their phones didn't have service until late afternoon when they were on their way back (again, thanks to the kindness and sacrifice of some great people. I don't know all the details of what happened after I got in Jeff's truck, including any details about these other photos taken by KC, so hopefully one of them will blog about it soon).
So much thanks again to everyone who helped us out in our excellent adventure to Wyoming and back. And thanks to anyone who actually read this entire, terminally-long post. You're just as benevolent as they are.
And bring a towel. And all that other great hitchhiking advice from Douglas Adams's tremendous book and the highly underrated 2005 movie version (which featured the tremendous Zooey Deschanel) that I didn't think I would ever need...but I was wrong.
A few of us had quite an adventure recently. We got hired to do a show in the thriving metropolis of Afton, Wyoming, at the all-night graduation party of the Star Valley High (not to be confused with Sweet Valley High) Braves. The biggest drama on the trip up was Erica trying to figure out how to make a relationship work with her new, hot, would-be boyfriend, an MMA fighter (he's conveniently referred to by us, Erica included, as "Mark Fighter") who was leaving in a few days to start chiropractic school in Iowa. The show was a lot of fun, the kids were great (America's future is secure in the hands of these recent graduates, including the ones who almost didn't get to graduate after turning the halls of the school into a giant slip-and-slide), and they gave us some excellent chocolate milk from the Shumway Dairy.
It turns out I love parenthetical statements. (But really, who doesn't?)
The parents running the party arranged for us to spend the night with a family who lived in the outskirts of Smoot, Wyoming (population 193). I didn't realize a place that size had outskirts. As I got out of Fred's car, my finger somehow got smashed as Fred was putting up his power windows. If I was a worrier by nature, I would've hoped that was the worst car-related mishap we'd have on this trip; but I'm not, so I mainly just focused on how much my finger hurt.
After a great breakfast the next morning, we set off for home. We made it about 10 miles before Fred pulled off the road because the car wasn't working right. KC assured us, based on his travel experiences to and from Jackson Hole last summer, that the problem was altitude-related and if we waited a few minutes the car would work fine again.
KC lied.
After doing what tinkering we could, and getting what advice we could from a few kind souls who stopped to offer assistance, we finally decided the car probably wasn't going anywhere. The car that stopped didn't have room for any of us, but they said they'd send a tow truck our way when they got back to Afton (oh yeah, none of us could get cell service where we were stranded).
Meanwhile, Erica was getting antsy, because she had a flight to catch that afternoon so she could go home to Connecticut for Memorial Day weekend. She decided to hitchhike (when we play the game Story in our shows, we try to avoid having the characters "decide" things and try to have them just do things. I'm not being a very good story-teller here). I decided (dang, not again!) to go with her, for a few reasons: we figured it'd be safer for two of us to hitchhike than just Erica alone; I too was tired of standing on the side of the road; and I have an unbelievably awesome family (worthy of several blog posts of their own), and I knew that if we could get part of the way back, like to Evanston or something, someone in my family would come and get us and bring us back the rest of the way.
For the first time in my life, I stood on the side of a highway and stuck out my thumb. It seemed like much longer, but after about 15 minutes a truck driver stopped. He was on his way to Logan and offered to take us along. KC took some pictures of this meeting; he said he took them in case he never saw us again.
(I don't remember it being windy that day, but it must have been gusting--look how much my t-shirt is puffing out!)
Any fears for our safety were quickly laid to rest. The trucker, Jeff Mitchell, was an incredibly nice guy--that's why he stopped, and we're so grateful to him for his help. He's from Hinckley, Utah, which is just outside of Delta (Utah's answer to Smoot and Afton, Wyoming, respectively), so he's close enough to come to an LOL show some time (we invited him to do so, and I hope he accepts, so we can give him the ovation he deserves).
The next few hours were relatively uneventful, except for a few times that we had to stop because cows were being herded across the road. I think I saw Billy Crystal. Within a few miles, I got some bars on my phone and called my mom. She and my sister Julie cancelled a hike they had been planning for a while, and started driving north to meet us. Jeff decided dropping us off in Tremonton would be most convenient for all involved. We ended up getting let off at a truck stop where, almost 2 years ago, I had been forced to pull off the road while driving to Boise to do a show. My sister's car was there, parked right next to the stain left by my puddle of transmission fluid. Seriously. It was kind of eerie.
It was about 12:45 at this point, and Erica's flight left at 4:45. Good thing Julie was driving and not Mom. My sis was amazing: darting in and out of traffic, getting up above 90 mph when possible (uh, LOL does not condone any violation of traffic laws), but even with her her superb driving, we didn't drop Erica off at her apartment in Provo until 3:00. She still had one last mad dash ahead of her, but thankfully Mark Fighter got her to her flight on time.
So Erica's story had a happy ending (except the part about her dream guy moving thousands of miles away). But my day wasn't over yet. We had an LOL show that night, and Fred and KC were supposed to be in it! Allan and I kept trying to call them all day to check their status, but their phones didn't have service until late afternoon when they were on their way back (again, thanks to the kindness and sacrifice of some great people. I don't know all the details of what happened after I got in Jeff's truck, including any details about these other photos taken by KC, so hopefully one of them will blog about it soon).
They raced to the Tanner Building as quickly as they could, arriving after I had already started warming up the crowd. They came in and did the show without warming up at all, and it was one of the best, most energetic shows I've ever been a part of (except for Faster Faster, where we cheated and tried to redo the cow milking competition scene we did the night before in Wyoming because it killed, but in Provo it fell kind of flat. That's what we get for trying to script improv--we won't be cheating like that in our shows any more).
So much thanks again to everyone who helped us out in our excellent adventure to Wyoming and back. And thanks to anyone who actually read this entire, terminally-long post. You're just as benevolent as they are.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Colors That End In Urple
It was tough reliving my failure on the Millionaire test in my last post, but my shot at redemption is right around the corner. Next week, I will be taking the Jeopardy! online test, my latest of several attempts to become a contestant on the venerable quiz show. If you want, you can too--go here to register. You can take the 50-question test on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.
(By the way, the title of this post comes from my favorite SNL "Celebrity Jeopardy" sketch. Check out the transcript--there are at least a half-dozen other lines I could've used as a title that would have been just as funny.)
This will be at least the third time I've taken the online test, and I also tried and failed at a "Brain Bus" event in Salt Lake City a few years ago. But the only time I actually came close to making it on the show was the first time I auditioned.
In the summer of 2002, I secured a coveted audition spot for Jeopardy!'s College Tournament. I convinced my former roommate Kyle to drive me to LA (he paid for gas and I paid for everything else; it was a really nice thing for him to do, since the trip was too short for us to do much else and he wasn't auditioning). As far as I can remember, it was the first road trip I ever went on, not counting family vacations or the shady media referrals we got from the Isle of Skye when I was a missionary in Inverness.
For some reason, the audition was held on the Wheel of Fortune set. We first took a written test similar to next week's online one (short answer questions--no need to use "What is..." at this point--one each from 50 different categories), then we waited while they graded the tests. Kyle and the other family and friends accompanying auditioners were allowed to take the test for fun. They came back and read the names of those who passed. They never reveal test scores, and I can't remember how I found out, but I left that day knowing that 35 out of 50 was the cutoff point, and I think it still is.
Anyway...I was one of 11 people that got to stay for the next part of the audition! I passed the test! Which is pretty impressive, since to me it's always seemed that the Tournament of Champions episodes are the only ones with tougher questions than the College Tournament (followed by regular Jeopardy!, the teens, kids, and then, finally, the celebrities). We got to take part in a mock game (alas, Alex Trebek was not there--nor was Vanna White, for that matter), including holding real buzzers and talking about ourselves to the host. I questioned a few answers correctly and generally gave a good showing for myself.
But then it was done. The show producers said that our test scores, applications, and performance in the mock game would all be considered, and that they also wanted to choose a geographically and culturally diverse group of competitors. Then I went back to Utah and never heard anything from the show again.
But I came close. If my memory serves me correctly (and it usually does), there were only eight audition sessions with 100 people each (which probably means I was pretty lucky even to get the chance). If the 11 test-passers in my group was an average number, then I made it to the final 100, from which 15 contestants and one alternate were chosen. I made it as far as I could without actually appearing on the show. Which, in a way, is even more devastating than doing poorly on the test.
I have now chronicled my auditions for Amateur Night at the Apollo, American Idol, and Jeopardy! on this blog. I'm pretty sure the only full blown, in-person auditions I haven't covered are the time I went out for the school play my senior year ("Wait Until Dark"--I would've been a great Rote), and another quick journey to SoCal with my friend Will and sister Lori in hopes of getting on VH1's World Series of Pop Culture. All in due time, I suppose. It's my destiny to be a game show contestant someday, and if I come closer to achieving that destiny next week, I'll be sure to let you know.
(By the way, the title of this post comes from my favorite SNL "Celebrity Jeopardy" sketch. Check out the transcript--there are at least a half-dozen other lines I could've used as a title that would have been just as funny.)
This will be at least the third time I've taken the online test, and I also tried and failed at a "Brain Bus" event in Salt Lake City a few years ago. But the only time I actually came close to making it on the show was the first time I auditioned.
In the summer of 2002, I secured a coveted audition spot for Jeopardy!'s College Tournament. I convinced my former roommate Kyle to drive me to LA (he paid for gas and I paid for everything else; it was a really nice thing for him to do, since the trip was too short for us to do much else and he wasn't auditioning). As far as I can remember, it was the first road trip I ever went on, not counting family vacations or the shady media referrals we got from the Isle of Skye when I was a missionary in Inverness.
For some reason, the audition was held on the Wheel of Fortune set. We first took a written test similar to next week's online one (short answer questions--no need to use "What is..." at this point--one each from 50 different categories), then we waited while they graded the tests. Kyle and the other family and friends accompanying auditioners were allowed to take the test for fun. They came back and read the names of those who passed. They never reveal test scores, and I can't remember how I found out, but I left that day knowing that 35 out of 50 was the cutoff point, and I think it still is.
Anyway...I was one of 11 people that got to stay for the next part of the audition! I passed the test! Which is pretty impressive, since to me it's always seemed that the Tournament of Champions episodes are the only ones with tougher questions than the College Tournament (followed by regular Jeopardy!, the teens, kids, and then, finally, the celebrities). We got to take part in a mock game (alas, Alex Trebek was not there--nor was Vanna White, for that matter), including holding real buzzers and talking about ourselves to the host. I questioned a few answers correctly and generally gave a good showing for myself.
But then it was done. The show producers said that our test scores, applications, and performance in the mock game would all be considered, and that they also wanted to choose a geographically and culturally diverse group of competitors. Then I went back to Utah and never heard anything from the show again.
But I came close. If my memory serves me correctly (and it usually does), there were only eight audition sessions with 100 people each (which probably means I was pretty lucky even to get the chance). If the 11 test-passers in my group was an average number, then I made it to the final 100, from which 15 contestants and one alternate were chosen. I made it as far as I could without actually appearing on the show. Which, in a way, is even more devastating than doing poorly on the test.
I have now chronicled my auditions for Amateur Night at the Apollo, American Idol, and Jeopardy! on this blog. I'm pretty sure the only full blown, in-person auditions I haven't covered are the time I went out for the school play my senior year ("Wait Until Dark"--I would've been a great Rote), and another quick journey to SoCal with my friend Will and sister Lori in hopes of getting on VH1's World Series of Pop Culture. All in due time, I suppose. It's my destiny to be a game show contestant someday, and if I come closer to achieving that destiny next week, I'll be sure to let you know.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
