Well, I wouldn't actually like to, but I feel like I ought to, that I owe the world a caffeinated beverage. Because, ever since I moved back to New York, it seems pretty clear that I have been jinxed.
For starters, I've been a jinx to myself. From the emergency gall bladder surgery to my inability to not only find a job but even to obtain job interviews, things haven't been going according to plan for me.
The jinx has also hit friends and family, both near and far. The gall bladder bug also bit my sister in Utah, my friend Tabitha's husband in Georgia, and my friend Angela in Seattle has had gall bladder problems too. The first weekend I was back here, a neighbor broke his leg in five places in a freak bike accident, and in September two other guys in the ward ended up on crutches with foot injuries. My brother was in a car accident recently.
My jinx has gone macro, too. The Yankees missed the playoffs for the first time since 1993, and the Mets experienced their second straight late-season collapse and also missed the postseason. Almost every couple on Dancing With the Stars has had to deal with injuries, from sprained ankles to ruptured Achilles to appendectomies. Oh, and the stock market collapsed and the economy is in shambles. I know it's trendy to blame greedy CEOs and corrupt politicians, but I'm pretty sure it's my fault.
Lately the curse has taken a weird twist: all of my efforts to help people are being sabotaged. Some friends started a tutoring program that I'm volunteering at, but the kid I was assigned to is yet to show up in the three weeks since it started. I went to help clean the chapel last Saturday morning, and it took me less than five minutes to break the vacuum I was using. On Monday, missed phone calls and delayed trains resulted in me being more than half an hour late in joining the missionaries for a teaching appointment. And last night, after what seemed like a good, incident-free home teaching visit, before I even got home I got a call from my home teachee asking me to come back because she was locked out of her apartment! (I'll let her identify herself in the comments if she wishes.) It's a good thing I didn't sign up to volunteer at the polls next week; with the way things have been going, Nader would probably win the election.
So enjoy your soft drinks, everybody. I'm sure they're not tainted with bird flu or anything. I mean, I'm due for some good luck. Right?