Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I'd like to buy the world a Coke

Well, I wouldn't actually like to, but I feel like I ought to, that I owe the world a caffeinated beverage. Because, ever since I moved back to New York, it seems pretty clear that I have been jinxed.

For starters, I've been a jinx to myself. From the emergency gall bladder surgery to my inability to not only find a job but even to obtain job interviews, things haven't been going according to plan for me.

The jinx has also hit friends and family, both near and far. The gall bladder bug also bit my sister in Utah, my friend Tabitha's husband in Georgia, and my friend Angela in Seattle has had gall bladder problems too. The first weekend I was back here, a neighbor broke his leg in five places in a freak bike accident, and in September two other guys in the ward ended up on crutches with foot injuries. My brother was in a car accident recently.

My jinx has gone macro, too. The Yankees missed the playoffs for the first time since 1993, and the Mets experienced their second straight late-season collapse and also missed the postseason. Almost every couple on Dancing With the Stars has had to deal with injuries, from sprained ankles to ruptured Achilles to appendectomies. Oh, and the stock market collapsed and the economy is in shambles. I know it's trendy to blame greedy CEOs and corrupt politicians, but I'm pretty sure it's my fault.

Lately the curse has taken a weird twist: all of my efforts to help people are being sabotaged. Some friends started a tutoring program that I'm volunteering at, but the kid I was assigned to is yet to show up in the three weeks since it started. I went to help clean the chapel last Saturday morning, and it took me less than five minutes to break the vacuum I was using. On Monday, missed phone calls and delayed trains resulted in me being more than half an hour late in joining the missionaries for a teaching appointment. And last night, after what seemed like a good, incident-free home teaching visit, before I even got home I got a call from my home teachee asking me to come back because she was locked out of her apartment! (I'll let her identify herself in the comments if she wishes.) It's a good thing I didn't sign up to volunteer at the polls next week; with the way things have been going, Nader would probably win the election.

So enjoy your soft drinks, everybody. I'm sure they're not tainted with bird flu or anything. I mean, I'm due for some good luck. Right?


Megan said...

Cheers Jeff. Please hold while I take another sip of my beverage...delicious. Thanks. Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about your hard knocks. It seems like life is prone to them during the job search. My first interview is laced with lovely anecdotes, which are, unfortunately, inappropriate for most audiences. But chin up, because just like that your luck will change, and then I'll buy you the celebratory Coke.

Lady Holiday said...

Hey, it's your fault? I was thinking it was all my fault. Recently, my lack of attention to detail resulted in an artist's jewelry being destroyed, and my boss told me that the combined repair charges and ill will would cost the store upwards of $10k in the end. A few days later the stock market crashed and my coworkers conveniently blamed me for that too. And ever since, its been the joke that everything is my fault. But I'm glad to hear it was all you, Jeff. Now I can set the record straight!

Just Julie said...

I'm glad to know that someone else sends out resumes but gets no responses. Also glad to know it's your fault and not mine. Can I get a Dr. Pepper instead? It has 23 natural flavors.

lori said...

just for you, jeffy, here's my statistic of the day:

Utahns who voted for Ralph Nader as President of the United States: _7,644_
Utahns who voted for "Superdell" Schanze as Utah governor: _22,905_

for those of you don't know about superdell, see these links to enjoy the insanity:

(he also has a variety of YouTube videos if you are inclined to see more; I am unable to provide specific links because the firewalls at my office block that site.)