Cookie Sheet

National Cookie Month began yesterday. Since I eat so many cookies all year long, I don't plan to do any extra cookie-related celebrating in October (except for on the 20th, my half-birthday, when I anticipate a pizza-pan-sized chocolate chip cookie from my mom--that's our tradition; and, I suppose, this blog post). I even missed out on free cookie day at Mrs. Fields yesterday, which is about twice the monetary value as free cookie day would've been back when I worked there in 1996 (since then, brownie prices at Mrs. Fields are virtually unchanged, but cookies cost less than a buck when I was in high school).

I really, really love cookies. Like pizza, even the worst cookies are generally still very edible. Nilla Wafers, fortune cookies, the really cheap store brand, Teddy Grahams, Nutter Butters, the burnt leftovers from a homemade batch...these might not be my top choices, but if that's what's available I'll gladly eat them. But I definitely have my favorites, which I will break down by source. I'm sure some good ones will be omitted, either through forgetfulness or my ignorance; please enlighten me in the comments.

HOMEMADE

I've tried many delicious cookies made from home recipes, but none will ever top my mom's chocolate chip. They come out perfect every time, and the dough is also phenomenal. My mother is a wizard in the kitchen, but she specializes in baked goods. Her manhole covers, chocolate crinkles, peanut butter, oatmeal raisin, or even the butter brickle batch she baked this morning are all tremendous, but the classic chocolate chip will always hold the top spot.

FUNDRAISER

Although it's kind of pricey, that frozen dough elementary school kids sell usually makes pretty good cookies. But this category exists mainly as a tribute to Girl Scout Cookies. The Thin Mints are fine, but what I really want is about nine boxes of Samoas, and three or four Tagalongs. You go, Girls!

RESTAURANT/BAKERY
Cookies from a bakery are usually high quality (at least if they were made that day), even if they're semi-mass produced. I really like the cookies from Albertson's bakery, for example. Pinnacle, the deli/a la carte place I frequented while working at Columbia, had excellent cookies.

ESPNZone makes an amazing cookie dessert (right, Larissa?) that's more filling than most entrees. I'm surprised I can't think of more restaurant cookie concoctions right now; I'm sure there are some I'm forgetting.

A return visit to Smart Cookie in Provo is long overdue. You can't do better for the money than buying a J-Dawg, then walking next door to SC and buying delicious cookies for a quarter each. Or, even better, getting an ice cream cookie sandwich.

And, of course, there's Mrs. Fields. My first job was not quite as great as I thought it might be (leftovers at the end of the day are given to charity, not employees), but it was still pretty sweet. Or semisweet. Or white chocolate macadamia. Or cinnamon sugar. Or my very favorite, chewy fudge. Mmmm....chewy fudge...

I still remember being the most popular guy at Fashion Place Mall when I'd wander out with the sample tray. Of course, when there was only one piece left on the tray, I had to eat it, because I would feel bad if two people walked by and I didn't have enough for everyone.

STORE-BOUGHT

Of course your fancy brands like Milanos and Soft Batch are great, but I usually go with what's on sale. My preferred cheaper cookie is Chunky Chips Ahoy!, followed by the chocolate lovers variety (in cookies, the more chocolate, the better) of Keebler's Chips Deluxe. The more convenient packaging isn't the only thing that gives Nabisco the nod over Keebler, but it's definitely a factor. A new soft baked chunky Chips Ahoy! came out a few years ago and quickly became my favorite, but for some reason the recipe changed within a few months and it's not as good now.

With as many cookies as I eat, though, it shouldn't come as a surprise that I'll often switch things up, buying a different variety of those brands, or Oreos, or Mother's circus animals, or the bite-size Otis Spunkmeyer, or whatever.

CEREAL

Last but not least...what better way to start your day than with a bowl full of cookies? Keebler recently unveiled a new entry, and it's delicious. Or at least I think it is, but apparently not many agree: it seems to have already disappeared from supermarket shelves.

After all these years, Cookie Crisp is still a solid breakfast option. The new double chocolate variety, however, is not as good, which I guess is the exception that proves my more-is-better chocolate rule. Well, that, and the time I poured chocolate milk on Cocoa Puffs.

That's all I can think of right now for types of cookies I eat, but while we're on the subject of Cookie Crisp, there's one more cookie category that needs to be discussed: mascots. All of the best cookie mascots of my childhood are gone or altered.

The Cookie Cop and the Cookie Crook were great spokesmen for Cookie Crisp. Later, they added Chip the Dog as the Crook's henchman, and that was fine. But then someone decided to eliminate the Cop and Crook, keeping only the dog. And now they have a different dog, one that's much more wolf-like. What gives?

And don't get me started on the ultimate cookie character, Cookie Monster. He used to be my role model, with a diet consisting entirely of cookies. But now they've got him promoting healthy eating and saying cookies are only a "sometimes" food.

Back in my day, the only time they even hinted about Cookie Monster eating a healthy diet was suggesting that cookies grow on trees.

There, I'm off my soapbox. I haven't needed it much since I grew tall enough to reach the cookie jar on my own. I think I'll go get one now.